McCoy McBlog

Mcstache

2009-08-25T11:45:00.003-05:00

By now we've all seen Colt's infamous pornstache. We at the McBlog cannot decide whether to love it or leave it. We've also heard the story that Colt doesn't shave during yadda yadda...snore. We knew there was more to the story so we sent our new intern out on the trail.
He dug around in the dumps, literally, and found out all the juicy deets. It seems Colt grew the mustache in preparation for an audition for a straight to DVD prequel to the cult film "Dazed and Confused." Yes, that's right. Colt was in talks to play the lead role of David Wooderson. Now we don't know the specifics of the plot but it's something about a young Wooderson drinking beer, driving in cars, doing things with girls, and having a mustache.
Unfortunately it doesn't appear our Colt will be starring in the movie any time soon. A source involved in the project says Colt's audition was disastrous!
"He kept trying to do this fake Texas accent. It was a big mess. He could have used his real voice," says the source.
At least he grew the mustache. That's more than we can say for Chace Crawford, who apparently now has the role. Will you watch?

We Don't Get It...

2009-02-01T13:12:00.002-06:00

Maybe we should just revise that list to 12 Things Colt SHOULDN'T Do To Become Famous...

(Thanks to Courtney.)

Simply Gratuitous

2009-01-07T21:10:00.003-06:00

Hook 'Em.

Oh My God, Yall, #1!

2008-05-09T15:49:00.006-05:00

So, we here at the McCoy McBlog realize that a list of "12 Things Colt McCoy should do to become more famous" is about as dated as, well, as when Colt was not famous. Since the blog started, Colt has not only become a Heisman candidate and saviour to the State of Texas, he is an international sex symbol. And that's something we here at the McBlog would like to take some credit in. You guys and your "Colt McCoy Shirtless" searches. Yeah, we know about them. And we know exactly where they lead...

But in the interest of completing this thing and moving on, here is the #1 thing Colt can do in 2008... um... 2009 to become famous (short of winning the Heisman and National Championships)...

Adoption.

It may sound crazy but the #1 thing Colt needs to do to gain fame in '08 is adopt children from a 3rd world country. Think about it.

What other easy way is there to take up an entire week's news cycle and make the talk show circuit? Once the news gets old, Colt can do an exclusive interview and let cameras follow him around as he balances his new role as father with his old role of quarterback. And once that has worn off, the kid's gonna have a birthday party. And one heck of a birthday party it will be! Free Bevo rides for everyone!

And if things get a little tough, something tells me the Jolie-Pitts would be willing to help out. And while we're at it, why not suggest that they take in a new kid of their own? We mean Colt. We're not trying to pawn off anymore 3rd world kids on them.

Sure Colt's a little older than the usual age of Brangelina brats but he is from Texas, and in some places that is considered a third world country.

It's a new year (ish) and the McBlog is McBack!

It's Still Coming...

2008-05-06T00:21:00.003-05:00

We haven't forgotten about the McBlog! We're working nights and weekends to make sure #1 is worthy of #12. In the meantime, I have uncovered a treasure that is sure to tide you over. What if I told you I found a commercial... starring Colt... in high school... wearing a letter jacket... and acting...

Watch and swoon!

These are the kind of things you find at 12:30 in the morning when you can't sleep and the Vicoden is waring off...

It's Coming...

2008-04-20T15:12:00.002-05:00

Just letting all of you in the McBlogosphere know that we have not forgotten about you. In fact the delay has been because we are thinking of you. We've been busy pounding out something more than exciting for the #1 on our countdown. It's so amazing and insane that we had to actually put our legal team to work. Yes, for the things we've posted about Colt, we are lawyered up. Well about as lawyered up as you can be with a team of 6 law students.
So sit tight, get out your giant foam Hook 'Em hands and get ready for the #1.

#2

2008-03-11T19:30:00.005-05:00

#2 - Be in a Milk ad.

Yes we understand you're in college football and you blah blah can't without blah blah breaking rules. Well that's the advantage of being a senior this year. You can play one more blah blah season of football and then go out with a bang with a nice "got milk?" grin. Why? Because you're Colt McCoy. You friggin' love milk. Milk saved the Baby Jesus. We all know so.
This would mean keeping the photo shoot under wraps. It would have to be done on one of your days off and then kept hidden until after your last game. Oh and the milk people will have to post date your check. Come on Colt, hide your tracks. This would only be a problem if you actually intend on winning the Heisman, i.e. Reggie Bush. But winning a Heisman would mean *cough* no interceptions *cough*.
Of course you can't do just any milk ad. You have to reinvent yourself. (Re)introduce yourself to the world as a post-football playing celebrity. The sky is the limit once football's over. Unless of course you want to continue playing football...which we totally blah blah support...but...come on....11 suggestions in and you still think football's the way to keep your face on TV?
We were thinking:

#3

2008-02-25T15:02:00.004-06:00

Run for office.

Yes, Barack. The sky's the limit!

It could be that we are just caught up in election year fever. But it seems like politics is the place to be these days to see and be seen, and we think that Colt's down home values will mesh well with the nation as a whole. It's no secret that while they were here in the ATX this past week, Democratic hopefuls Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama both met with Colt. Could it be that they see a little bit of that John Edwards charm emanating from everyone's favorite quarterback? Were they seeking his advice on health care reform? Were they simply pandering to the hometown crowd? We may never know the answers to these questions.

Point is, Colt could do good for our country, and he has the ideas to prove it.

Why reform health care? Simply drink eight glasses a day and you will never need to go to the doctor!

Taxes? Raise the asking price on luxury skyboxes at DKR-Texas Memorial Stadium, while passing on the savings to you, the middle-class season ticket holder!

Gay marriage? A lifetime in the locker room has certainly helped Colt see that there's nothing wrong with a little guy-on-guy action every now and then!

Border security? It's not our neighbors to the south we need to worry about, but those landgrabbers to the north! Yes, build a fence around Oklahoma, and shoot on site the ones trying to cross the Rio Rojo!

Colt McCoy: Change we can believe in!

Now let's not get ahead of ourselves. Colt does not yet have the experience needed to run a country, much less a dynamic offense, so he should simply enter as running mate at this point to either Clinton or Obama. As for McCain? Well, Colt likes to be on winning teams (ouch, sick burn!).

#4

2008-02-10T11:18:00.000-06:00

Before we launch into the #4 item, I must provide some framework. First of all, we have taken our time providing this list due to the fact that football season is over and there will be much less Colt news anyway. And secondly, thanks to the Hollywood writer's strike we have been employed with much more lucrative work. Yeah, that's right, we're not scared of being scabs. This is a right to work state and besides, we've been writing TV episodes under fake names. With that explanation I bring you:

#4 - Go on a TV guest starring blitz
That's right, we've written several episodes of TV shows where Colt could easily make a guest appearance. And no, guest roles don't really rely on actual acting talent, but instead rely on the presence of the guest star. Which means Colt can stumble in drunk, smile for the camera, and stumble off set. Although we did suggest rehab so clean up your act already!
To begin the blitz, we suggest making an easy guest appearance on Friday Night Lights. It's shot in Austin, which means you won't have to travel far, and it's about football, so you understand it.
Synopsis:
Colt guest stars as the school's former quarterback who left town on a scholarship. He returns when he's kicked off his college team for excessive drug use. He hangs out with the high school kids and brings them negative influence.

We follow the FNL episode up with an episode of Ugly Betty. It may be a bit of a stretch considering Colt obviously knows little about fashion but that's why it's perfect for him. Plus, the episode we wrote is over the top hilarious.
Synopsis:
Colt plays a new unstylish assistant at the Mode office who befriends and bewitches Betty. Blinded by love, Betty doesn't realize that Colt is actually a staff writer for the men's magazine upstairs who's infiltrated Mode for an article on how to mistreat women in the fashion industry. By the time Betty makes the realization, Colt has already made Amanda the center of his article and has dug his emotional clutches into her. Betty is torn between stopping Colt from mocking Mode or letting Amanda learn an embarrassing lesson.

Next, we have an episode of Gossip Girl. Which would be perfect in the middle of this blitz because of Colt's rumored feud with Chace Crawford. What better to show the world you love your best frienemy than by guest starring on his hit tv show?
Synopsis:
Serena meets a sexy southern boy (Colt) at a bar and begins an intimate fling. Nate shows restrained jealousy, saying he doesn't trust this new guy. Nate soon finds out that Colt actually runs a blog on southern social scenes and is only using Serena for an article on the differences between the southern and upper east elite.
(Cheesy, we know. But no one in the office had actually seen an episode of Gossip Girl and so we just reused the Ugly Betty script...)

And finally, although we do not have any control over this next guest role due to the fact that Disney refused to return our calls and did not accept our offer to write, we suggest a cameo in the upcoming High School Musical 3. Why? Because it's the hottest thing since sliced bread and it will earn you tons and tons of pre-teen fans. Plus, we at the McBlog have decided to create an adult drinking game for the trilogy and having Colt in the 3rd movie would make it easier for us to hock on this blog.

What would Colt do? We don't know. Dance? Sing chorus? Better start practicing buddy. We heard through the grapevine that you've been skipping Wednesday night dance class at the Union...

#5

2008-02-04T16:43:00.001-06:00

#5 - Two words: sex tape.

Come on, you knew this was coming. We're in the top 5 now, so there's no more screwing around, if you'll pardon my pun. More so than any other item on this list so far, sex tapes make overnight media darlings out of their participants, unless your name is Rick Solomon. Paris Hilton wasn't really all that big until her sex tape. Pamela Anderson achieved immortality with hers. Come on, someone out there's gotta have some footage on Colt! Now, just in case his morals get in the way, he could fit a sermon in there or something. Hey, the Christian bookstore sells sex books too! Who should be the other participant? I leave it up to you, the readers of the blog, to decide (yes, all three of you. Don't let us down!).

#6

2008-01-29T18:45:00.000-06:00

#6 - Hang out with Matthew McConaughey.
As far as famous Longhorns go, Matthew is it. Seriosuly, no one cares about Michael Dell or Britt Daniel from Spoon. Reneé Zellwegger? Sure but does she command headlines like Matthew? No.
Colt, you're one of the cool kids now. Forget about Vince Young stealing your lunch money a year and a half ago, look at where he is...(not the subject of an amazingly written vanity blog I can tell ya that). Based on recent sightings, you know how to party.
Take a page from the Matthew McConaughey play book and link yourself to as many women as possible. Go to 6th street, climb up the bar skank ladder, wake up with random lingerie tied around the steering wheel of your F-250, go shopping at the Gap shirtless. Then while you're at it, play the bongos naked. Live a little.
Yes, yes, we know Matthew knocked up his sweetheart but hey, he's not the one who's gonna be out of commission for 9 months.
In all honesty, boys night out should not look like this:

But more like:

definitely not like:

but just imagine:

Of course in around 9 months Matthew will be off playing daddy and you'll be busy with football again but you'll always have the memories.

#7

2008-01-24T11:18:00.000-06:00

#7 - Star in a "reality" show with Colt Brennan

Seriously, everyone and their dog has a reality show now and everyone who gets on one seems to be popular, albeit in that train wreck sort of way. But come on! Don't tell me you wouldn't watch this show. Texas-born, milk-drinking, Jesus-praying-to Colt McCoy shacked up with California-born, straight-Everclear-drankin', alleged sexual-offending Colt Brennan? If that doesn't sound like a recipe for some fun and sticky situations, I don't know what does. And there would be a pool. I'm just saying.

Example scenario: Colt B brings home a girl. Colt M knows this means trouble cause he knows B's history with girls and knows that they are not married. M confronts B in the kitchen and they get into a verbal fighting match that seems to be the centerpiece of any good reality show. It ends in hugs and tears as B gives his life over to Jesus while the girl helps herself to refreshments at the house bar the producers keep fully stocked. But before long B is back to his old ways. M rolls his eyes.

Or imagine an episode where M goes on a drunken bender and picks up a prostitute and Pony flies in for an intervention. Don't you see? The possibilities are limitless. Starring in a reality show with Colt Brennan would raise Colt McCoy's profile for all the right reasons.

#8

2008-01-22T19:12:00.000-06:00

#8 - Go to rehab.

It's the off season right now. It's the perfect time to become famous for being infamous. No one buys the squeaky clean thing. Ditch it. Be the bad boy. That's the way we sell tabloids.
Have a little too much to drink on Wednesday afternoon. Get pulled over by a cop before 10PM. What's one night in jail? It's time to join the wide array of celebs with mug shots.
Stay a little too long at 7-11 while intoxicated on Saturday night. Make them escort you off the premises.
This all may sound a little un-McCoyish and that's fine. In fact, if you're so against it, we can even stage all of these events. All you have to do is pretend to have some sort of addiction. Judging by your affinity to milk, it shouldn't be that big of a stretch. We'll take care of the rest.
We've even picked the perfect place for you to kick your dirty habits. Promises. Yes, Promises. Every celebrity who doesn't really want to get better goes to this rehab. And maybe you'll make some famous friends you can go clubbing with. Not enticed? Well I've got some photos.

Does this look like rehab? We think not.

#9

2008-01-17T17:26:00.000-06:00

#9 thing Colt McCoy should do this year to make him more popular:

Cut a single with Timbaland

It's no secret that Timbaland is the music industry's hottest producer. He can take anyone, and I do mean anyone (who the hell is OneRepublic?) and turn them into Top 40 gold! He even rejuvenated Nelly Furtado's career, which is something I'm not sure even Quentin Tarantino could have done! It wouldn't even have to be an entire record, just a song to appear on Timbaland's next collaborations album. People, and by people I mean me, will buy anything with Timbaland's name on it and ensuing that Colt's latest club smash has the kids dancing from Austin to at least the Texas border. However, with recent steroid rumors surrounding Mr. Timbaland, Colt might not want to take any substances the producer is giving out.

And speaking of Nelly Furtado, what if Colt went all out and collaborated with her, Timbaland, and Justin Timberlake? The possibilities are endless!

#10

2008-01-16T17:23:00.000-06:00

#10 - Join a wacky religion
Yes, Colt, we all know you love Jesus. Love, love, love, love. And you go to church like what? Once or twice a week? Your preacher is on speed dial in case those thoughts of Pony arise.
But seriously, we're playing the fame game here. Church of Christ ain't cutting it. It's too...blah. You know who else is COC? That woman who lives across the street from me. It's not an exclusive club.
My first suggestion? Scientology.

I know it sounds crazy. Cos it is. But seriously, who else will ensure you rise to a decent level of fame other than the Scientologists? Who else will go to maddening lengths to ensure you have a field of wild flowers to frolic in with your new wife? *cough* Tom Cruise *cough* Who else will ensure your less flattering years are spent aboard a luxury cruiser where lesser brethren are made to bow at your every command?
Sure, should you make it to superstar status you might have to sacrifice your future wife to a Rosemary's Baby type scenario where the sperm of L Ron Hubbard is used to fertilize her eggs. *cough* Katie Holmes *cough*
But seriously, what better hands to be in?
Not convinced? Fine. Then might I suggest Kabbalah? No, not that strenuous version practiced by bookish Jews, I mean Kabbalah Centre. The version practiced by celebrities and flaunted as the hottest fashion accessory of the past few years.

It's totally down with G-O-D. It's not even technically a religion but more of a spiritual device. And hey, the country's moving away from that evangelical George Bush Christianity thing. Religion is scary. Check facebook. We're not "religious" anymore, we're "spiritual". Whatever that means, you get on board Colt McCoy! And this little red string is the ticket. (Did I also mention hottest fashion accessory of the past few years?)

#11

2008-01-14T18:40:00.000-06:00

The #11 thing Colt McCoy should do this year to make him more popular:

Get into a fight with Chace Crawford.

It should be obvious to anyone by now that Colt has eyes for Carrie, who as we mentioned is currently linked with the Gossip Girl star. To add insult to injury, Chace is seen here holding a football, practically taunting Colt. "I can throw more touchdowns than you...and I'm dating your secret crush! Now drop and give me 50!"

Celebrity fights always boost you to the top of the gossip pages and the public consciousness, so this seems like a no-brainer for Colt. After the fight (which Colt will totally win cause he plays football and Chace is on a friggin soap opera) Colt can then hook up with Carrie Underwood and people will at least know him as Carrie Underwood's boyfriend. I'm just saying that there was some heavy flirting going on at the Christmas party...

Further reason for a fight: Chace is from Lubbock, and we all know that no good can come from that city.

#12

2008-01-14T18:15:00.001-06:00

Now that things have gotten back in order here at McCentral, we've put together a list of 12 things our #12 should do in the '08 to improve his celebrity status. It's come to our attention that Ms. Thang Publicist is not doing her job properly and that outside of our little Texas bubble people are almost completely unaware of Colt McCoy.

So #12 on the list:

Date Carrie Underwood

If you see our last post, Carrie performed at our holiday party. Obviously she's down with the McBloggers. We can make a phone call. What's that you say? But Carrie's currently dating fellow Texan Chase Crawford? Well we're not saying you should break them up...

First Post Of The New Year

2008-01-04T18:55:00.000-06:00

We must apologize for not updating during the holidays. It was the holidays for Christ's sake. It also took several days to get the office back to tip top shape. For those of you wondering how the McBlog team celebrated the holidays, I have created a few images. Yes, that filthy striking bastard Fernando continues to not work. We initially hired a high school intern but apparently due to our mougar statuses, he has not returned to work. I tried making peace with Fernando at least for the sake of the holidays but that lying despicable bastard continues to make demands that are simply unfair to the McBlog and that is all I will say about that.
Anyway, we scheduled our big McBash to coincide with the Holiday Bowl. Our amazing party featured performances by Carrie Underwood and the Jonas Brothers.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-22T12:44:00.000-06:00

Colt sings "Oh Holy Night"...

Sorry we haven't been posting too much lately. It's just that there's been nothing much going on with no football games being played. That being said, we have some exciting things planned for the New Year! What are they, you ask? Well, you'll just have to come back and find out. Until then, Merry Christmas from the staff at the McCoy McBlog!

And don't say we never gave yall anything...

Pony's Next Conquest?

2007-12-17T16:58:00.000-06:00

Meet Rudy Carpenter, the quarterback for the Arizona State Sun Devils, whom Colt and the Longhorns will face in the Holiday Bowl on December 27:

Sorry, I couldn't find a good picture of him and had to improvise. But, from my limited research, you're not missing much. His number? 12. That sound you just heard was Pony's '87 Camero speeding off to wherever Arizona State is located (I'm guessing somewhere in Arizona).

Slow News Week

2007-12-17T12:25:00.001-06:00

We apologize for the lack of updates. It seems Colt has continued his downward spiral but unfortunately our photographer has gone on strike and Colt has done a good job of hanging in places we dare not tread.
We digress. A few weeks ago, Colt was scheduled to attend UT Athletics Career Day. I found this out from his Sorority Girl publicist who is now on better terms with McCoy McBlog I must add. Unfortunately, Colt was a no-show to Career Day for no apparent reason. I called up his publicist and instead of answering any real questions, she offered to have lunch with me so that I could give her a list of questions to ask Colt on our behalf. I declined in hopes of getting real information. She then said that career day "just wasn't that important to Colt," despite the fact that many a non-famous Longhorn athlete attended in hopes of getting career advice from the McCoy himself.
Luckily, this event was pre-strike Fernando and through some staunch negotiating, we managed to pry two photos from his filthy picketing hands.

The McCoy McBlog is now accepting applications for a new photographer.

The Answers to All Your Questions!

2007-12-03T10:52:00.000-06:00

The Austin American-Statesman posted a list of several UT athlete's iPod workout playlists and, of course, Colt McCoy's was revealed. After months of speculation, here's the music Colt listens to to get "pumped up":

1. (tie) 'She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy,' Kenny Chesney and 'I Can Still Make Cheyenne,' George Strait
2. 'Good Directions,' Billy Currington
3. 'Tuesday's Gone,' Lynyrd Skynyrd
4. 'Big City,' Merle Haggard
5. 'Cowboy Song,' Thin Lizzy
6. 'Yellow Ledbetter,' Pearl Jam
7. 'Bad Company,' Bad Company
8. 'Hotel California,' Eagles
9. 'Lost and Found,' Randy Rogers Band
10. 'She's Every Woman,' Garth Brooks

I couldn't have made up a better list. It just seems so perfect! Pearl Jam seems very out of place. I like how number one is a tie. As if Colt were working out, says to himself "George is just not cutting it this morning" and switches over to "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy." I mean, "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy"! It doesn't get any better than that! I also realized that Colt and I could never by iPod friends 'cause my list is a little...um...different. Still some George Strait though.

In other news, congrats to the UT basketball team for doing what the football team couldn't do all year: beat a real team.

Colt Sighting

2007-12-03T01:17:00.000-06:00

Although we have been at the forefront of the Dump Pony Parade, Colt has proven himself to be inseparable from his former lady love, despite her recent behavior. Rumors have abounded that Pony has hit rock bottom and was seen at a local 7/11 binge eating the fresh baked brownie bars and crying Colt's name in a baked goods enhanced rage. A source close to the McCoy McBlog reported sighting Colt on a flight from Lubbock to Austin earlier today. Reports were later e-mailed in saying Colt along with Pony in harness were sighted at the Texas Tech Theater Production of Jitter and clicking on this link will NOT earn us 25 cents per click. Again, clicking WILL NOT EARN US 25 CENTS PER CLICK. Could a reconciliation be in the works? We won't be the only ones to say we hope not.

Friday

2007-11-30T22:24:00.000-06:00

Colt and Mack are just _________.

The Off-Season is Almost Upon Us :(

2007-11-30T15:58:00.000-06:00

Yes, the idea that the football season is almost over required the use of a frowning emoticon. It seems like just yesterday the season started, filled with hope, joy, and impossible expectation, only to be destroyed in the coming weeks by failure, betrayal, and Doucheface.

It's about time we had a post focused on Colt since, you know, this is the McCoy McBlog and everything. Let's be honest here. Colt did not have the best of years this season. He threw way to many interceptions and got sacked way too many times and we continue to not be in the championship game. To be honest, most of the blame probably falls on the offensive line, who were obviously payed by mafia types (or Doucheface. Or Stoopsy) to not tackle defenders this season.

However, I feel something else is to blame: Colt's out of control behavior. It should come as no surprise to any reader of this blog that Colt has had a turbulent year, mostly brought on by his scheming groupie/girlfriend Pony. As I touched on last week, his behavior has been personified in his drastically changed appearance compared to last year when he, you know, was good.

Still confused? Here are some pictures to illustrate my point:

Old Colt (ie: career passing record): "We have to be in bed by 9 cause we have Sunday school tomorrow!" (note: this picture might have been taken when he was in junior high. I can't really tell.)

New Colt (ie: career interception record): "I didn't read that book before I wrote that paper, I just copied stuff off of Spark Notes."

Now you can see the dilemma I'm having. I mean, I like it when Colt does good, but I also like it when he looks like he does in the picture above. Need more proof? Let's just say his hair isn't the only the only thing that has grown more...um...supple...

What do you think, readers? Should Colt clean his image back up and score some more touchdowns? Or should he continue down his class-skipping, hair-growing, paper-copying, girlfriend-cheating, hot-looking, football-not-playing-well ways? It's an interesting question, one I'm sure many grad thesis' (or is it thesi?) will be written about this semester.

Speaking of hair problems, other Colt? Other Colt!

Can you tell it was kinda slow at work today?

Ags

2007-11-26T19:41:00.000-06:00

I've decided to give my own commentary on this past week's game. I'm hardly a sports expert but I try.

I guess I focused more on douchery and the Mack Daddy...I did say I'm NOT a sports expert!

because the loss still hurts...

2007-11-24T16:21:00.000-06:00

We at the McBlog have finally made it. How do you ask? Yesterday morning I got an e-mail from a reader in Lubbock with a photo attached. It seems Pony spent the holiday shopping at a local Wal-Mart with her new squeeze, Graham Harrell.

I hope this is Colt's reason for sucking non-literal balls in College Station yesterday. (harsh words, I apologize, just angry)

A&M Game Mini-Recap

2007-11-23T21:25:00.001-06:00

Well, that sucked. I'll post more about it later when I feel like it, but needless to say we got "pantsed."

It was so bad the aggies were trying to get to second base on national television just to get their kicks, as evidenced by above picture. Ugh. Like I said, more later when I'm done throwing up. Even though he had a pretty craptacular game, I do have to point out Colt's Superman curl in the first picture.

Random Randomness

2007-11-21T11:26:00.000-06:00

Here's a few things I wanted to share but felt that they did not deserve their own post.

1) Colt's hair. It has gotten noticeably shaggier over this season, a far cry from the clean cut church boy of yesteryear.

Old Colt: "Hey guys, that totally cool Christian rock band is in town. No, it's okay. My mom will drive us!"

New Colt: "We're totally skipping class on Monday!"

"I'll have another White Russian over here. That's vodka AND milk!"

So I'm torn. Should he cut his hair? Discuss.

2) Other Colt has some hair issues too.

I mean, oh my God. That's the state of Hawaii branded into his hair, by the way, which isn't the most photogenic state considering it was basically made by volcano diarrhea. I don't know if his hair's still like this, though. He was injured. Maybe that knocked some sense into him. I mean...jeez. He looks like an albino with an unfortunate birthmark.

3) Sam Bradford, remember him? He was injured in the Oklahoma game against Tech. A friend of a friend told me that Pony really gets around with the Big 12 QBs and Bradford's injury was an intentional hit by a Tech running back...ordered by none other than Graham Harrell! Oh the scandal! Look out Stephen McGee!

4) Finally, in honor of our game against A&M, I found this little YouTube nugget. Remember that really bad movie with Tommy Lee Jones about cheerleaders that featured UT and remember how bad it was? Well, at least we're not A&M, whose football team was featured in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. Enjoy!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Graham Harrell Mug Shot

2007-11-20T23:13:00.000-06:00

Pony's new boytoy Graham Harrell was arrested at age 17 for ___________.

Rumor Mill

2007-11-19T23:25:00.000-06:00

As reported in the previous entry, Colt's soon to be ex-woman stepped out this weekend with Texas Tech quarterback Graham Harrell. The two were seen getting cozy at a barn party post game having illegal drinks and then having legal drinks at a Chili's where they were accosted by wild farming fans.

Our sources say NoNameWhore was soaking up the limelight for once although she she wore her sunglasses at night and sported a new blonde hairdo. Our sources tell us no worries, it was just a wig. Why the strange behavior? Her sorority sisters say her very public appearances with Graham were meant to give Colt a good kick in the groin and that she says she's only using Graham for the current moment. We phoned around and got one of the second string players for Texas Tech to reveal Graham's side of the story. This anonymous source says that Graham is completely smitten with NoName and feels like the two are perfect Tech Royalty. Apparently her family owns half of the Texas Tech foundation or something and well he's their quarterback god.
Meanwhile Colt has been lying low preparing for the heavily anticipated A&M game. Our sources at Team Longhorn say he can't be bothered with Pony's antics and hasn't even bothered calling her all week. Could the high school love finally be falling apart?

And because I can never seem to not find a picture of Other Colt when doing any google search:

Texas Tech Game Recap

2007-11-18T01:36:00.000-06:00

So anyway, the Tech game was really something else, wasn't it? Not only did our offense (and Colt) play their best game of the season, Colt had the best play of the game! What was it, you ask? Here's a cell phone video that Fernando took of the Jumbotron at the game.

Doesn't it just make you love him all over again? I was at the game (another Colt sighting!) and it was great! Who's he pointing at in the stands, you ask? His bitch of a (soon to be) ex-girlfriend! Word on the street is Pony (that's going to be her nickname) gave the QB of Tech (Graham Harrell) a "personal" congrats at a barn party after they beat OU tonight. When Colt found out, she responded, "well, he beat Sam Bradford, something you could never do!" (see previous entry). We'll have more on this story as it develops.

But back to the Tech-Texas game. We kicked their asses and there's not much more to say about it. Next week is the A&M game, played in College Station, and there's apparently some issues between Colt and the A&M QB. What is it, you ask? You'll know more as soon as we do.

Other Colt update. He was injured in his game last week, with a concussion or something. That's a shame. Here's a picture:

Wait, that wasn't nice.

Colt at Austin International Airport

2007-11-10T11:49:00.000-06:00

My sources have told me that Colt skipped out on several practices this week due to complications with his mystery lady love. Apparently Ms. Tech has been quite the bitch this week. She hid out in Austin to avoid the taunting of her fellow Raiders and completed her week's schoolwork via internet. She's been very demanding of Colt's time and even had him miss some much needed football practice. On Thursday when Colt insisted he needed the practice time, she fled back to Lubbock for less than twelve hours before returning with her sorority girls Friday afternoon. She then insisted that Colt pick her up at the airport even though he was supposed to be at practice. When her sorority sisters offered to take her in the party van, Ms. Tech refused and waited alone for 2 hours for Colt to arrive.
2 hours was plenty enough time for us to have photogs on the scene. Colt arrived looking tan and pleasant while Ms. Tech barely spoke any words to him. At one point she flipped off one of our photogs but apparently that picture is no longer in existence because Colt managed to charm our paps into deleting the photo.

Sources have also told us that Mack Daddy's been rather upset with Colt skipping out on practices and has finally told Colt to choose between the Longhorns and his lady love. After arriving in Austin yesterday, Ms. Tech also insisted that Colt spend the night partying away with her and her sorority sisters on 6th street. Unfortunately (or rather fortunately for the Longhorns) Colt was a no show. Could all this drama be a sick sad attempt at sabotaging the highly anticipated Texas Tech game?

Oklahoma State Game Recap

2007-11-07T13:43:00.001-06:00

First, a message from Colt McCoy, quarterback for the University of Texas Longhorns:

"You. Yeah, you over there. That's right, I'm pointing at you. Thought you would just turn off the game after three quarters and go buy shoes? Football's a four-quarter game, son. It ain't over till we've come back from 21 points down in the fourth. You think I gave up that one time I was trying to save the guy from drowning? My arms ached. I was getting a cramp from the milk but I did what I had to do. You think I gave up when my girlfriend went to Tech? Even after I gave her a promise ring? No, son! I just went right on up there and kicked her team's behind. Look me in the eyes when I talk to you: don't ever turn off a game again. Don't give up on me, and I won't give up on you. Now let's bow our heads and pray."

So there you have it, straight from the horse's mouth (pardon the pun). I don't really know why he uses the term son so much. It's not like he's a coach...yet. But about that game. We played like ass for three quarters, sort of like last week, and then just decided to be good in the fourth quarter, again like last week. Imagine if the team played a whole four quarters. Based on the game, in which we scored 21 in the forth, we could have like a billion points spread out over the whole game.

How bad were we in the beginning? Even Mack Brown, he who claps when we throw an interception or miss a tackle or get arrested, got all pissy over the team's performance. Hard to believe, right? Well, there's video evidence:

Man, that was brutal! Colt was rumored as saying, "I hate it when Daddy drinks!" All was well at the end of the game, however:

I don't even know what to say about that, I'm just glad they're...um...friends again. So we won, in spectacular fashion like we usually do with Oklahoma State, and without that other quarterback no less (his name was Vince...something?). Also, a special shout out to Jammal Charles. He's good. I'm talking real good. The Tech game has all sorts of drama, the kinds of things we feed on as you can tell by the previous post. What did Colt have to say last year after he beat his girlfriend's team?

Oh, she better root for him if she knows what's best. He had a busted lip! It is SO on. Meanwhile, obligatory OTHER Colt picture:

The Rumor Mill

2007-11-06T23:02:00.000-06:00

I heard through my sources at Camp Longhorn that Colt's longtime high school squeeze refused to watch Texas barely trample whoever it is we trampled last week. It seems that the little Miss Raider has her own box at the Texas stadium where she can watch Colt's triumphs as she has orange margaritas in private. We all know she's chosen to stay away from Colt's limelight and as much as it disheartens me, we can't even be sure of what her name is. Yes, she's that secretive. I personally think she could be just a clever ploy thought up by Colt's former publicity machine. But I digress, Colt's small town flame apparently was up in arms about some comments Colt made about his upcoming game against her current school, Texas Tech. She's been fed up with the teasing over in the Raider Country and always felt that Colt would be the one understanding person. Apparently not. Miss Raider refused to attend this past week's game, which obviously affected Colt's game. Sunday afternoon, Colt was spotted having lunch with his super dare we say soon to be ex-girlfriend(?) at Whole Foods. Diners said Colt tried apologizing but his hermit girlfriend only gave him the cold shoulder. We can only hope this fuel's Colt to beat the ever living hell out of Texas Tech this weekend.

I tried looking for more info on the ever secretive Mrs. Colt McCoy but when I google searched her all I found was:

And in an orange jersey. Maybe there's hope yet...

Colt Sighting: The Nebraska Game

2007-10-31T16:14:00.000-05:00

So instead of the usual Post Game Report (really, the pictures just aint what they used to be), I can actually give you a first hand account of the game cause I was there! And Colt was there! And I saw him! So it qualifies as a Colt sighting.

It's a little hard watching the game in person. Colt gets slammed like every single play cause we have no o-line and you're pretty sure he's dead but he gets up, trooper that he is. And then everyone around me was yelling at him and I'm all "why don't you go try that yourself, you fat redneck?" (sorry, dad). I'm serious, I was about to throw down (and anyone who knows me knows how much of a lie that is). Also when Colt makes a big play, theres this video of him juggling footballs on the Godzillatron. I can't tell if it's computer animation or if he really is that good at juggling balls cause it's quite impressive.

So we won (just barely) and I decided to press my luck and try to follow Colt to the locker room. Long story short, I was released from the Travis County Jail this morning.

The Rumor Mill

2007-10-30T22:26:00.001-05:00

I've been rather busy building some contacts within the Longhorn Football circle and it's starting to pay off. I found out from one source that Colt had enrolled in dance classes. Dance classes you ask? Well apparently our McCoy wants to improve his flexibility and stamina. Plus being the well mannered poon hound that he is, sometimes it takes a little ballroom dancing to really win over the ladies.
So 120 dollars later, I'm enrolled in a ballroom class but at my first lesson, Colt is nowhere to be found. By the by, I would really appreciate if you dedicated readers took some initiative and helped me recoup the costs. It turns out Colt has hired a publicist who also attends class with him and the whiny little bitch requires you speak to her before you can speak to Colt. So I approached the blonde bitchlet in her oversized sorority sweater at dance class and asked if it would be possible to set up a meet and greet with Colt. Yes, I phrased it like that, flashed my Erwin badge, and mumbled McCoy McBlog. She said Colt would rather not publicize his dance lessons and that I better just forget about it. I pried a little further and found out the real reason for Colt's lessons. Apparently #12 is hoping to make it onto the next season of Dancing With the Stars. He met Emmitt Smith at a luncheon and got some career advice, yadda yadda. When Colt finally arrived to dance class I was told it was general understanding that Colt was off limits. No one talks to him and he doesn't acknowledge anyone either.
That seemed a little strange and unbelievable. So in between foxtrots (oh come on, I wasn't really there to learn) I tried making casual conversation with Colt from across the room. Nothing really seemed to work. I finally had a chance during a quick water break. I introduced myself, flashed my Erwin badge, mumbled McCoy McBlog and launched into a line of questioning about Dancing With the Stars. Colt mumbled, smiled and darted off. That's when the bitchlet was back and said that Colt was disturbed by my presence and that I had to leave the class. I didn't think she had any real power over that decision but as it turns out, yes she does. Which explains how I am no longer allowed to pursue my love of ballroom on Wednesday nights from 8-10PM at the Texas Union.
But during my short lived attempt at dance fame I managed to snatch the following poster from the blonde's gym bag.

Baylor Game Recap

2007-10-22T21:16:00.000-05:00

There's a clause in every Texas coach's contract that stipulates that if they loose to Baylor they are immediately fired. It's true. Look it up. Old Macky put that clause to the test on Saturday by barely beating Baylor 31-10. Don't let the score fool you. It was close up until the forth quarter, when Baylor fumbled like 84 times or something and saved us Texas (and Colt) fans the embarrassment of loosing in Waco. Back in the day, I used to go to the Baylor games in Waco 'cause its the only one my dad would shell out money for (the tickets price is something like two cans of food for the food drive or something). We would always blow them out 100-0 or a score close to that. Not this time however. Might I also add, as someone who lived in the vicinity of Waco, that you should never visit. They don't allow dancing, like the town in Footloose. It also smells. Bad. And it's boring. And it has been known to harbor really creepy cult members (Baylor students notwithstanding...)

But a win is a win. Complicating problems, Fernando did not take the best pictures Saturday afternoon so there aren't many. He will be punished accordingly. Hopefully he'll get his act together by next week when Colt...i mean...the team returns to town to play the Nebraska Cornholers (I kid!). Pictures? Pictures..

Colt shakes some sexually-frustrated woman's hand who doesn't deserve it. The woman on the right is trying to attack him. The guy on the left is totally snubbed. Everyone else looks on in awe. Guy back and center is kinda creepy.

A Baylor defender tries to strip Colt...of the ball! Number 44 goes for broke and makes a grab. No wonder Colt looks so damn scared. I'd also like to add here that I like Colt's shoes.

This might as well be called the BrownBlog as well since Macky is just as fascinating. I can't tell if he's celebrating a touchdown or if he just saw Jesus (maybe both?). Not to be rude, cause I have his best interests in mind, but he needs to loose a little weight. I really cant figure out what's wrong. He's fairly skinny overall, but it's just kinda hanging over.

So that's it for the game. Not much to say. There weren't even any good pictures of the pants. I found it interesting that Macky did not "congratulate" the Baylor coach. Hey, even Mack Brown has standards!

In other news, every time I research Colt I come across another quarterback. His name is Colt Brennan, and he plays for Hawaii and is apparently very good. And his name's Colt! Did I mention that? Apparently, him and our Colt were in a competition last year to see who could throw the most touchdowns and make a record or something. Our Colt won, or course. So this Colt Brennan kid. I think he is better than our Colt in one essential area. Interceptions? No! Shirtless pics!

Anyone want to go to Hawaii soon? Thus I had to revise my fantasy a little...

So my question for you, dear reader (I use the singular cause there is only one): which Colt makes your horses run?

Colt Sighting

2007-10-17T11:16:00.000-05:00

Or something like that...so am I the only person who's heard rumors of a Mack/Colt rift? Well I'd like to lie and say that I asked Mack about this yesterday when I ran into him exiting the UT Athletes only gym at the Frank Erwin Center. As I was on my way around the building to clock in for work, Mack exited, saw me and went back to double check that the door had locked behind him. Trying to keep my prying eyes away? Either way Mack smiled (finally no scowling!) and said, "Good morning." Then I replied with a "Whasssuuuupppppp?!!!" Here's a sketch of what Mr. Brown looks like in work out gear:

Iowa State Game Recap

2007-10-16T16:29:00.000-05:00

Granted, Iowa State is the worst team, like, ever in the history of football, but that doesn't mean that beating them 56-3 doesn't feel good. Best of all, Colt didn't throw a single interception. Not one! And he threw for something like 5,000 yards (we'd like to reiterate that hard hitting football commentary is not our forte here). Because the weather was a balmy -35 Fahrenheit or something in Iowa City or wherever it is that Iowa State resides, we once again sent our intern Fernando to cover the game.

Without further ado, the pictures:

Clear eyes, full hearts, can't loose! Colt prepares for the game by staring intently at a glass of milk over on the sidelines. I mean, just look at that focus. No way he's gonna let them loose today. We can't tell if Colt's greatest enemy is Sam Bradford, interceptions, his offensive line, or razor burn.

Just look at that throwing arm! He's not even breaking a sweat (once again, the score was 56-3 Texas). We can't figure out if this was just practice or an actual play, because there seem to be Longhorns all over the place. Unless this is some sort of new offensive plan where Colt has to beat teams on his own. Oh wait, he's been doing that already! Ya know, like this:
The Iowa State players look like they're playing chicken at the city pool and they're doing a really bad job at it. The town skank is not going to sleep with them! Not with that behavior! By the way, the patented UT-See-Through Pants strike again:
See what I mean? This is by far the most interesting development this year. Were they always like this? Or has Colt opened our eyes to a whole new world?

Awww, that's cute. Colt knew that Fernando was watching though. Why does Iowa State have fans, as evidenced in this picture? It must be like rooting for your little brother's (or sister's) baseball team. You're not really a fan of the team, just a certain player. I mean, if the team wins the Little League world series, you're not going to go out an get drunk and have sex with a prostitute, right? Right? You don't really care that much. You just want your little brother to not get hurt and maybe hit a double. Being an Iowa State fan is something like that. And no, we don't really understand that logic either.

Ahhh, Bobby's not going to like this. Not for a second. Macky's seeing another guy! Granted, it's Gene Chizik, former defensive coordinator for the Horns and current ISU coach. But is that really what he wears? Huge baggy sweat shirt and wind pants? Really? He looks like he's been sitting on the couch all day with a bucket of fried chicken watching reruns of MASH because his wife left him and the kids won't call him "daddy" anymore. Yeah, being the Iowa State coach is something like that. Especially after coaching at UT.

Another week, another recap. The video game screenshots from last week seemed to be a big hit. Problem is, we can't really justify Colt ripping the head off Iowa State's QB (whatever his name is). And we really have no reason to include any here today. Doesn't mean we aint gonna do it, though! Boredom's fun! And we do mean bored.

Now that's hot. And a little fantasy of ours, not gonna' lie! What was that noise? Oh, it was our one and only reader canceling his subscription to the internet because of that picture.

The Longhorns Crank Dat

2007-10-15T16:32:00.000-05:00

Here's a video of the 2007 University of Texas Longhorn football team, just a year and a half removed from a national championship, acting the fool on the sideline during the UCF game. We thought it was kind of cute and fun to watch how each player does it. Now the reason we got so excited about this was that there is clearly a "#12" in the middle of the screen. But after watching it several times (research purposes you know), we noticed that "#12" looked....different from the one we know. Turns out there are two #12s on the team! His name is Earl Thomas, and according to his bio on the UT website, he enjoys the Disney Channel, the movie Little Giants, and can play the piano. And crank dat soulja boy, apparently. But you know what we bet he can't do? Swim across a lake to save a man's life, that's what.

Anyway, here's the video.

More of What You Asked For

2007-10-14T20:00:00.000-05:00

Our tens of ones of fans have been clamoring for more updates. At some point this week we'll have the recap of the Iowa State game complete with more of Fernando's award-winning photography. And word on the street is that a rundown of our McCoy McDiet is in the works. And we're always looking for Colt Sightings. Get those camera phones out! In the mean time, here's another picture. We were going to save it for a rainy day, but it does indeed appear as if it is going to rain here in Austin, Colt's hometown. If you want, add a caption to the picture in the comments section. Let us know you're out there!

OU Game Recap

2007-10-08T16:08:00.001-05:00

To be completely honest, we really didn't watch much of the game because we were too busy planning for the McCoy McBlog McLaunchParty (which was quite exciting, by the way), but we think we can piece together an accurate account of the game based on the pictures our unpaid intern Fernando took up in Dallas. Mind you, you aren't going to find play by play recaps here, or analysis, or anything really having to do with the game itself. We like to pride ourselves on telling you about the things that really matter.

To get pepped up for the game, Colt listens to his dad reading passages from the Bible. Perhaps that is why he is so angry? Also on rotation in the playlist: AC/DC, Hoobastank, The Frey, Carrie Underwood, and Depeche Mode (that one got on there by accident, but Colt kinda likes it!)

The biggest story of the game, of course, was when Bob Stoops tried to stab Colt in the back. In Bob's defense, the little lady in the middle forced him at gunpoint to do it.

This doesn't really have anything to do with Colt, but we think it was worth pointing out that Mack and Bob don't actually hate each other. In fact, they were actually quite cordial. Here, inspired by a French movie they saw together, Macky and Bobby (as they call each other) blow kisses.

Might we just add that the UT pants are a little TOO see through? Not that there's anything wrong with that...

So yeah, Texas didn't win and that really sucks. Colt's face says it all. They played a good game, though. But look at the fire in his eyes. You know he wasn't going to let them get away that easily... (and might we just add that #22's gloves kinda freak us out. It's like the Invisible Man is hugging him. Or something). What happened after the game, you might ask?

Oh yes, Colt would get his revenge in the parking lot after the game. This is a McCoy McBlog exclusive! Little known fact: McCoy is a 7th degree black belt in Tae Kwan Do. It's true. Colt showed all the drunken fair-goers that he truly is a milk-fueled, one-man army!

And so Colt was finally victorious. It should be noted that Bradford was fine, 'cause Colt is not in the business of offing people off (unlike, say, a certain OU linebacker). Sam is just going to be playing with a bit of a sore shoulder next week.

So there you have it. Our first recap. UT, and Colt, played a decent game but dumb mistakes ended up costing us. Loosing always sucks, especially to OU, and especially when the team could have won it. As our dad once told us, no matter what happens in the game, at least you are not from Oklahoma. And that never ceases to make us feel better! Hook 'Em!

case of the mondays?

2007-10-08T14:55:00.000-05:00

your shirtless mccoy photos would be greatly appreciated.

McMilk

2007-10-06T19:49:00.000-05:00

just for fun.

OU Still Sucks

2007-10-06T18:52:00.001-05:00

Howdy Ya'll!

2007-10-06T18:11:00.000-05:00

Welcome to McCoy McBlog, the internet's number one source for all things McCoy. We're just getting started but thanks to the power of milk we'll be up and running at full speed soon.

We would like to take this opportunity to thank Jesus for the internet.

Here's a preview of what you will find here:

The Rumor Mill

For all rumors regarding number 12 himself.

Colt Sightings

When Colt hits the town our cameras are there! And if not at least we can tell you about it.

Post Game Reviews

Colt might've dropped the ball...or thrown a few interceptions but we still love him.

The Colt Diet

How many glasses of milk a day? We'll tell you exactly how much McMilk it takes to be McCoy.

Hook 'Em.