#10

#10 - Join a wacky religion
Yes, Colt, we all know you love Jesus. Love, love, love, love. And you go to church like what? Once or twice a week? Your preacher is on speed dial in case those thoughts of Pony arise.
But seriously, we're playing the fame game here. Church of Christ ain't cutting it. It's too...blah. You know who else is COC? That woman who lives across the street from me. It's not an exclusive club.
My first suggestion? Scientology.

I know it sounds crazy. Cos it is. But seriously, who else will ensure you rise to a decent level of fame other than the Scientologists? Who else will go to maddening lengths to ensure you have a field of wild flowers to frolic in with your new wife? *cough* Tom Cruise *cough* Who else will ensure your less flattering years are spent aboard a luxury cruiser where lesser brethren are made to bow at your every command?
Sure, should you make it to superstar status you might have to sacrifice your future wife to a Rosemary's Baby type scenario where the sperm of L Ron Hubbard is used to fertilize her eggs. *cough* Katie Holmes *cough*
But seriously, what better hands to be in?
Not convinced? Fine. Then might I suggest Kabbalah? No, not that strenuous version practiced by bookish Jews, I mean Kabbalah Centre. The version practiced by celebrities and flaunted as the hottest fashion accessory of the past few years.

It's totally down with G-O-D. It's not even technically a religion but more of a spiritual device. And hey, the country's moving away from that evangelical George Bush Christianity thing. Religion is scary. Check facebook. We're not "religious" anymore, we're "spiritual". Whatever that means, you get on board Colt McCoy! And this little red string is the ticket. (Did I also mention hottest fashion accessory of the past few years?)