#6

#6 - Hang out with Matthew McConaughey.
As far as famous Longhorns go, Matthew is it. Seriosuly, no one cares about Michael Dell or Britt Daniel from Spoon. Reneé Zellwegger? Sure but does she command headlines like Matthew? No.
Colt, you're one of the cool kids now. Forget about Vince Young stealing your lunch money a year and a half ago, look at where he is...(not the subject of an amazingly written vanity blog I can tell ya that). Based on recent sightings, you know how to party.
Take a page from the Matthew McConaughey play book and link yourself to as many women as possible. Go to 6th street, climb up the bar skank ladder, wake up with random lingerie tied around the steering wheel of your F-250, go shopping at the Gap shirtless. Then while you're at it, play the bongos naked. Live a little.
Yes, yes, we know Matthew knocked up his sweetheart but hey, he's not the one who's gonna be out of commission for 9 months.
In all honesty, boys night out should not look like this:

But more like:

definitely not like:

but just imagine:

Of course in around 9 months Matthew will be off playing daddy and you'll be busy with football again but you'll always have the memories.

#7

#7 - Star in a "reality" show with Colt Brennan

Seriously, everyone and their dog has a reality show now and everyone who gets on one seems to be popular, albeit in that train wreck sort of way. But come on! Don't tell me you wouldn't watch this show. Texas-born, milk-drinking, Jesus-praying-to Colt McCoy shacked up with California-born, straight-Everclear-drankin', alleged sexual-offending Colt Brennan? If that doesn't sound like a recipe for some fun and sticky situations, I don't know what does. And there would be a pool. I'm just saying.

Example scenario: Colt B brings home a girl. Colt M knows this means trouble cause he knows B's history with girls and knows that they are not married. M confronts B in the kitchen and they get into a verbal fighting match that seems to be the centerpiece of any good reality show. It ends in hugs and tears as B gives his life over to Jesus while the girl helps herself to refreshments at the house bar the producers keep fully stocked. But before long B is back to his old ways. M rolls his eyes.

Or imagine an episode where M goes on a drunken bender and picks up a prostitute and Pony flies in for an intervention. Don't you see? The possibilities are limitless. Starring in a reality show with Colt Brennan would raise Colt McCoy's profile for all the right reasons.

#8

#8 - Go to rehab.

It's the off season right now. It's the perfect time to become famous for being infamous. No one buys the squeaky clean thing. Ditch it. Be the bad boy. That's the way we sell tabloids.
Have a little too much to drink on Wednesday afternoon. Get pulled over by a cop before 10PM. What's one night in jail? It's time to join the wide array of celebs with mug shots.
Stay a little too long at 7-11 while intoxicated on Saturday night. Make them escort you off the premises.
This all may sound a little un-McCoyish and that's fine. In fact, if you're so against it, we can even stage all of these events. All you have to do is pretend to have some sort of addiction. Judging by your affinity to milk, it shouldn't be that big of a stretch. We'll take care of the rest.
We've even picked the perfect place for you to kick your dirty habits. Promises. Yes, Promises. Every celebrity who doesn't really want to get better goes to this rehab. And maybe you'll make some famous friends you can go clubbing with. Not enticed? Well I've got some photos.



Does this look like rehab? We think not.

#9

#9 thing Colt McCoy should do this year to make him more popular:

Cut a single with Timbaland



It's no secret that Timbaland is the music industry's hottest producer. He can take anyone, and I do mean anyone (who the hell is OneRepublic?) and turn them into Top 40 gold! He even rejuvenated Nelly Furtado's career, which is something I'm not sure even Quentin Tarantino could have done! It wouldn't even have to be an entire record, just a song to appear on Timbaland's next collaborations album. People, and by people I mean me, will buy anything with Timbaland's name on it and ensuing that Colt's latest club smash has the kids dancing from Austin to at least the Texas border. However, with recent steroid rumors surrounding Mr. Timbaland, Colt might not want to take any substances the producer is giving out.

And speaking of Nelly Furtado, what if Colt went all out and collaborated with her, Timbaland, and Justin Timberlake? The possibilities are endless!

#10

#10 - Join a wacky religion
Yes, Colt, we all know you love Jesus. Love, love, love, love. And you go to church like what? Once or twice a week? Your preacher is on speed dial in case those thoughts of Pony arise.
But seriously, we're playing the fame game here. Church of Christ ain't cutting it. It's too...blah. You know who else is COC? That woman who lives across the street from me. It's not an exclusive club.
My first suggestion? Scientology.

I know it sounds crazy. Cos it is. But seriously, who else will ensure you rise to a decent level of fame other than the Scientologists? Who else will go to maddening lengths to ensure you have a field of wild flowers to frolic in with your new wife? *cough* Tom Cruise *cough* Who else will ensure your less flattering years are spent aboard a luxury cruiser where lesser brethren are made to bow at your every command?
Sure, should you make it to superstar status you might have to sacrifice your future wife to a Rosemary's Baby type scenario where the sperm of L Ron Hubbard is used to fertilize her eggs. *cough* Katie Holmes *cough*
But seriously, what better hands to be in?
Not convinced? Fine. Then might I suggest Kabbalah? No, not that strenuous version practiced by bookish Jews, I mean Kabbalah Centre. The version practiced by celebrities and flaunted as the hottest fashion accessory of the past few years.

It's totally down with G-O-D. It's not even technically a religion but more of a spiritual device. And hey, the country's moving away from that evangelical George Bush Christianity thing. Religion is scary. Check facebook. We're not "religious" anymore, we're "spiritual". Whatever that means, you get on board Colt McCoy! And this little red string is the ticket. (Did I also mention hottest fashion accessory of the past few years?)

#11

The #11 thing Colt McCoy should do this year to make him more popular:

Get into a fight with Chace Crawford.


It should be obvious to anyone by now that Colt has eyes for Carrie, who as we mentioned is currently linked with the Gossip Girl star. To add insult to injury, Chace is seen here holding a football, practically taunting Colt. "I can throw more touchdowns than you...and I'm dating your secret crush! Now drop and give me 50!"

Celebrity fights always boost you to the top of the gossip pages and the public consciousness, so this seems like a no-brainer for Colt. After the fight (which Colt will totally win cause he plays football and Chace is on a friggin soap opera) Colt can then hook up with Carrie Underwood and people will at least know him as Carrie Underwood's boyfriend. I'm just saying that there was some heavy flirting going on at the Christmas party...

Further reason for a fight: Chace is from Lubbock, and we all know that no good can come from that city.

#12

Now that things have gotten back in order here at McCentral, we've put together a list of 12 things our #12 should do in the '08 to improve his celebrity status. It's come to our attention that Ms. Thang Publicist is not doing her job properly and that outside of our little Texas bubble people are almost completely unaware of Colt McCoy.

So #12 on the list:

Date Carrie Underwood

If you see our last post, Carrie performed at our holiday party. Obviously she's down with the McBloggers. We can make a phone call. What's that you say? But Carrie's currently dating fellow Texan Chase Crawford? Well we're not saying you should break them up...

First Post Of The New Year

We must apologize for not updating during the holidays. It was the holidays for Christ's sake. It also took several days to get the office back to tip top shape. For those of you wondering how the McBlog team celebrated the holidays, I have created a few images. Yes, that filthy striking bastard Fernando continues to not work. We initially hired a high school intern but apparently due to our mougar statuses, he has not returned to work. I tried making peace with Fernando at least for the sake of the holidays but that lying despicable bastard continues to make demands that are simply unfair to the McBlog and that is all I will say about that.
Anyway, we scheduled our big McBash to coincide with the Holiday Bowl. Our amazing party featured performances by Carrie Underwood and the Jonas Brothers.