Friday

Colt and Mack are just _________.

The Off-Season is Almost Upon Us :(

Yes, the idea that the football season is almost over required the use of a frowning emoticon. It seems like just yesterday the season started, filled with hope, joy, and impossible expectation, only to be destroyed in the coming weeks by failure, betrayal, and Doucheface.

It's about time we had a post focused on Colt since, you know, this is the McCoy McBlog and everything. Let's be honest here. Colt did not have the best of years this season. He threw way to many interceptions and got sacked way too many times and we continue to not be in the championship game. To be honest, most of the blame probably falls on the offensive line, who were obviously payed by mafia types (or Doucheface. Or Stoopsy) to not tackle defenders this season.

However, I feel something else is to blame: Colt's out of control behavior. It should come as no surprise to any reader of this blog that Colt has had a turbulent year, mostly brought on by his scheming groupie/girlfriend Pony. As I touched on last week, his behavior has been personified in his drastically changed appearance compared to last year when he, you know, was good.

Still confused? Here are some pictures to illustrate my point:

Old Colt (ie: career passing record): "We have to be in bed by 9 cause we have Sunday school tomorrow!" (note: this picture might have been taken when he was in junior high. I can't really tell.)

New Colt (ie: career interception record): "I didn't read that book before I wrote that paper, I just copied stuff off of Spark Notes."

Now you can see the dilemma I'm having. I mean, I like it when Colt does good, but I also like it when he looks like he does in the picture above. Need more proof? Let's just say his hair isn't the only the only thing that has grown more...um...supple...

What do you think, readers? Should Colt clean his image back up and score some more touchdowns? Or should he continue down his class-skipping, hair-growing, paper-copying, girlfriend-cheating, hot-looking, football-not-playing-well ways? It's an interesting question, one I'm sure many grad thesis' (or is it thesi?) will be written about this semester.

Speaking of hair problems, other Colt? Other Colt!



Can you tell it was kinda slow at work today?

Ags

I've decided to give my own commentary on this past week's game. I'm hardly a sports expert but I try.




I guess I focused more on douchery and the Mack Daddy...I did say I'm NOT a sports expert!

because the loss still hurts...

We at the McBlog have finally made it. How do you ask? Yesterday morning I got an e-mail from a reader in Lubbock with a photo attached. It seems Pony spent the holiday shopping at a local Wal-Mart with her new squeeze, Graham Harrell.

I hope this is Colt's reason for sucking non-literal balls in College Station yesterday. (harsh words, I apologize, just angry)

A&M Game Mini-Recap

Well, that sucked. I'll post more about it later when I feel like it, but needless to say we got "pantsed."

It was so bad the aggies were trying to get to second base on national television just to get their kicks, as evidenced by above picture. Ugh. Like I said, more later when I'm done throwing up. Even though he had a pretty craptacular game, I do have to point out Colt's Superman curl in the first picture.

Random Randomness

Here's a few things I wanted to share but felt that they did not deserve their own post.

1) Colt's hair. It has gotten noticeably shaggier over this season, a far cry from the clean cut church boy of yesteryear.

Old Colt: "Hey guys, that totally cool Christian rock band is in town. No, it's okay. My mom will drive us!"



New Colt: "We're totally skipping class on Monday!"


"I'll have another White Russian over here. That's vodka AND milk!"


So I'm torn. Should he cut his hair? Discuss.


2) Other Colt has some hair issues too.

I mean, oh my God. That's the state of Hawaii branded into his hair, by the way, which isn't the most photogenic state considering it was basically made by volcano diarrhea. I don't know if his hair's still like this, though. He was injured. Maybe that knocked some sense into him. I mean...jeez. He looks like an albino with an unfortunate birthmark.

3) Sam Bradford, remember him? He was injured in the Oklahoma game against Tech. A friend of a friend told me that Pony really gets around with the Big 12 QBs and Bradford's injury was an intentional hit by a Tech running back...ordered by none other than Graham Harrell! Oh the scandal! Look out Stephen McGee!

4) Finally, in honor of our game against A&M, I found this little YouTube nugget. Remember that really bad movie with Tommy Lee Jones about cheerleaders that featured UT and remember how bad it was? Well, at least we're not A&M, whose football team was featured in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. Enjoy!







Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Graham Harrell Mug Shot

Pony's new boytoy Graham Harrell was arrested at age 17 for ___________.

Rumor Mill

As reported in the previous entry, Colt's soon to be ex-woman stepped out this weekend with Texas Tech quarterback Graham Harrell. The two were seen getting cozy at a barn party post game having illegal drinks and then having legal drinks at a Chili's where they were accosted by wild farming fans.

Our sources say NoNameWhore was soaking up the limelight for once although she she wore her sunglasses at night and sported a new blonde hairdo. Our sources tell us no worries, it was just a wig. Why the strange behavior? Her sorority sisters say her very public appearances with Graham were meant to give Colt a good kick in the groin and that she says she's only using Graham for the current moment. We phoned around and got one of the second string players for Texas Tech to reveal Graham's side of the story. This anonymous source says that Graham is completely smitten with NoName and feels like the two are perfect Tech Royalty. Apparently her family owns half of the Texas Tech foundation or something and well he's their quarterback god.
Meanwhile Colt has been lying low preparing for the heavily anticipated A&M game. Our sources at Team Longhorn say he can't be bothered with Pony's antics and hasn't even bothered calling her all week. Could the high school love finally be falling apart?

And because I can never seem to not find a picture of Other Colt when doing any google search:

Texas Tech Game Recap

So anyway, the Tech game was really something else, wasn't it? Not only did our offense (and Colt) play their best game of the season, Colt had the best play of the game! What was it, you ask? Here's a cell phone video that Fernando took of the Jumbotron at the game.

Doesn't it just make you love him all over again? I was at the game (another Colt sighting!) and it was great! Who's he pointing at in the stands, you ask? His bitch of a (soon to be) ex-girlfriend! Word on the street is Pony (that's going to be her nickname) gave the QB of Tech (Graham Harrell) a "personal" congrats at a barn party after they beat OU tonight. When Colt found out, she responded, "well, he beat Sam Bradford, something you could never do!" (see previous entry). We'll have more on this story as it develops.

But back to the Tech-Texas game. We kicked their asses and there's not much more to say about it. Next week is the A&M game, played in College Station, and there's apparently some issues between Colt and the A&M QB. What is it, you ask? You'll know more as soon as we do.

Other Colt update. He was injured in his game last week, with a concussion or something. That's a shame. Here's a picture:

Wait, that wasn't nice.

Colt at Austin International Airport

My sources have told me that Colt skipped out on several practices this week due to complications with his mystery lady love. Apparently Ms. Tech has been quite the bitch this week. She hid out in Austin to avoid the taunting of her fellow Raiders and completed her week's schoolwork via internet. She's been very demanding of Colt's time and even had him miss some much needed football practice. On Thursday when Colt insisted he needed the practice time, she fled back to Lubbock for less than twelve hours before returning with her sorority girls Friday afternoon. She then insisted that Colt pick her up at the airport even though he was supposed to be at practice. When her sorority sisters offered to take her in the party van, Ms. Tech refused and waited alone for 2 hours for Colt to arrive.
2 hours was plenty enough time for us to have photogs on the scene. Colt arrived looking tan and pleasant while Ms. Tech barely spoke any words to him. At one point she flipped off one of our photogs but apparently that picture is no longer in existence because Colt managed to charm our paps into deleting the photo.

Sources have also told us that Mack Daddy's been rather upset with Colt skipping out on practices and has finally told Colt to choose between the Longhorns and his lady love. After arriving in Austin yesterday, Ms. Tech also insisted that Colt spend the night partying away with her and her sorority sisters on 6th street. Unfortunately (or rather fortunately for the Longhorns) Colt was a no show. Could all this drama be a sick sad attempt at sabotaging the highly anticipated Texas Tech game?

Oklahoma State Game Recap

First, a message from Colt McCoy, quarterback for the University of Texas Longhorns:

"You. Yeah, you over there. That's right, I'm pointing at you. Thought you would just turn off the game after three quarters and go buy shoes? Football's a four-quarter game, son. It ain't over till we've come back from 21 points down in the fourth. You think I gave up that one time I was trying to save the guy from drowning? My arms ached. I was getting a cramp from the milk but I did what I had to do. You think I gave up when my girlfriend went to Tech? Even after I gave her a promise ring? No, son! I just went right on up there and kicked her team's behind. Look me in the eyes when I talk to you: don't ever turn off a game again. Don't give up on me, and I won't give up on you. Now let's bow our heads and pray."


So there you have it, straight from the horse's mouth (pardon the pun). I don't really know why he uses the term son so much. It's not like he's a coach...yet. But about that game. We played like ass for three quarters, sort of like last week, and then just decided to be good in the fourth quarter, again like last week. Imagine if the team played a whole four quarters. Based on the game, in which we scored 21 in the forth, we could have like a billion points spread out over the whole game.

How bad were we in the beginning? Even Mack Brown, he who claps when we throw an interception or miss a tackle or get arrested, got all pissy over the team's performance. Hard to believe, right? Well, there's video evidence:




Man, that was brutal! Colt was rumored as saying, "I hate it when Daddy drinks!" All was well at the end of the game, however:

I don't even know what to say about that, I'm just glad they're...um...friends again. So we won, in spectacular fashion like we usually do with Oklahoma State, and without that other quarterback no less (his name was Vince...something?). Also, a special shout out to Jammal Charles. He's good. I'm talking real good. The Tech game has all sorts of drama, the kinds of things we feed on as you can tell by the previous post. What did Colt have to say last year after he beat his girlfriend's team?



Oh, she better root for him if she knows what's best. He had a busted lip! It is SO on. Meanwhile, obligatory OTHER Colt picture:

The Rumor Mill

I heard through my sources at Camp Longhorn that Colt's longtime high school squeeze refused to watch Texas barely trample whoever it is we trampled last week. It seems that the little Miss Raider has her own box at the Texas stadium where she can watch Colt's triumphs as she has orange margaritas in private. We all know she's chosen to stay away from Colt's limelight and as much as it disheartens me, we can't even be sure of what her name is. Yes, she's that secretive. I personally think she could be just a clever ploy thought up by Colt's former publicity machine. But I digress, Colt's small town flame apparently was up in arms about some comments Colt made about his upcoming game against her current school, Texas Tech. She's been fed up with the teasing over in the Raider Country and always felt that Colt would be the one understanding person. Apparently not. Miss Raider refused to attend this past week's game, which obviously affected Colt's game. Sunday afternoon, Colt was spotted having lunch with his super dare we say soon to be ex-girlfriend(?) at Whole Foods. Diners said Colt tried apologizing but his hermit girlfriend only gave him the cold shoulder. We can only hope this fuel's Colt to beat the ever living hell out of Texas Tech this weekend.

I tried looking for more info on the ever secretive Mrs. Colt McCoy but when I google searched her all I found was:

And in an orange jersey. Maybe there's hope yet...